As many of you may know, Teen Mania Watch has been among the most vocal critics of the annual ESOAL (Emotionally Stretching Opportunity of A Lifetime) event held by the Teen Mania Honor Academy each year. This blog, along with concerned citizens everywhere, has characterized ESOAL as being coercive, dangerous, and even downright abusive. However, after reading Teen Mania's internal training document about how Christians should "major in the majors," (see pages 19-21 of the Google document), along with Teen Mania's assurance that they are definitely not "hazing" anyone, we have had a change of heart.
Therefore, I am pleased to announce that Teen Mania Watch will be the proud sponsor of ESOAL 2011. Considering how much ESOAL "changes people's lives," Teen Mania Watch is officially offering the following promotional & financial consideration to Teen Mania Ministries:
- 1 Wooden Coffin, delivered free of charge, so ESOAL participants can endure the simulation of being buried alive in order to bring them closer to God.
- 10 Cans of Friskies, which would never, ever be fed to a Teen Mania intern during ESOAL.
- 2 Volunteers who will work 4 hours each to help clean up "vomit hill."
- 4 Bottles of Tylenol, the only medication needed for any injuries sustained while on the Teen Mania Ministries campus.
- 1 Live Giant Cockroach, to be placed on interns to terrorize them.
- 4 Bags of flour,to be thrown on interns before making them crawl through a drainage ditch.
- No mental health professionals, since that's not needed!
In exchange for the aforementioned promotional consideration, Teen Mania Watch asks nothing more than that Honor Academy interns be allowed to view truthful and accurate information about the organization while on campus.
We've tweeted the Honor Academy and asked for a response, and we'll let you know when they get back to us.